TAKING THE STRESS OUT OF CHANGE November 13, 2009
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By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.
One of the truths about this world is that everything changes.
The only dynamic that doesn’t change is the process of change itself.
Coping with change always increases our level of stress. The stress
response is designed to aid us to cope with change, be it positive or
negative change.
Some changes are predictable and allow us to adapt rather quickly
and without much stress. Other changes just come at us unexpectedly
and dramatically increase our stress response.
Life altering changes are inevitable and normal. We know that there
is a direct correlation between how we adapt to stress and our health.
Here are some helpful strategies for handling the stress of change.
In his book, “Finding Peace,” Jean Vanier writes, “We can find the
road to hope and peace in our world if we open ourselves to change
…and break down the walls around our hearts.” Here are 15 simple
but important tips for opening yourself to all the changes that
inevitably occur. Perhaps some of these tips will help to open you to
adapt to change and “break down the walls around” your heart. They
might also help you restore a sense of calm and peace of mind.
1. Predict & plan for change when ever possible.
2. Address changes issues before they become overwhelming.
3. Write down and prioritize personal and work-related goals and
tasks.
4. Be sure to take time for daily physical activity.
5. Do not skip meals, eat slowly while sitting and rarely (if ever)
resort to eating “fast food.”
6. Delegate household chores to other family members or hire someone
to do them.
7. Take regular short breaks to practice abdominal breathing,
muscular relaxation, or meditation.
8. Modify all negative thought patterns, and silence your internal
critical dialogue. We know that what you say to yourself makes a
great difference in your stress level.
9. Accept that change is constant and inevitable. It is usually a
sign of growth.
10. Learn to recognize the types of life changes that increase your
stress level and what your specific stress “triggers” are.
11. Learn the warning signs of too much stress, (e.g. anxiety,
disturbed sleep patterns, irritability or unexpected mood swings.
12. Develop and maintain a strong support system of family and
friends you can turn to when major changes occur or your stress level
becomes too high.
13. Identify and practice healthy strategies for dealing with the
changes and stressors that you can influence/control.
14. Strengthen your “resilience skills,” that help you cope well with
changes that you regard as “hardship.”
15. Be compassionate and patient with yourself. Treat yourself as
you would a loved child. How well you deal with change/stress is not
a reflection of your character.
You probably already have a large number of skills to manage
your changes and your stress level. If you are still alive, you have
already managed well the changes in your life before. It is also
important to keep in mind that during times of great change and
extreme stress or crisis, you need to consider getting professional
help.
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Dr. Thomas is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and life
coach. He serves on the faculty of the International University of
Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams)
the book: “Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and
Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice…and Your Life!” (W.W. Norton
2005) It is available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com.
If you found the above column useful, feel free to share it with
friends.
Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and
Licensed Psychologist. He is available for coaching in any area
presented in “Practical Life Coaching” (formerly “Practical
Psychology”). Initial coaching sessions are free. E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.
Taking Shame and Blame Out of the Equation Helping Children Make Right Choices November 7, 2009
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As a parent, I frequently get the opportunity to teach the difference between “right” and “wrong”, even though I often find this to be an elusive distinction since it can be a relative debate. This time was different. It took no teaching on my part, only listening.
I was washing my children’s clothes and pulled something out of my 6 year old son’s shorts pocket; it was a tiny little mouse with a long ribbon tail that I didn’t recognize. As I turned it over, I realized it was actually a button — the cutest little button I’d ever seen. As we had just been to the fabric store 2 days before, I knew where it had come from, and unfortunately, knew we had not paid for it. I braced myself for the conversation on “stealing”.
When I pulled it out of my pocket at dinner, he began shifting in his seat, not sure what to say. As I asked him questions, he jumped up and ran to his room crying. I followed him and asked him why he was crying since I merely asked him if he knew where it came from. I reminded him the importance of being completely honest. He told me that it fell off of the button card at the fabric store and he put it in his pocket because it was so cute, then he started to cry harder. I asked him why he was crying and his response was, “My heart said not to take it, but I didn’t listen. I should have listened to my heart.”
What a great lesson. He wasn’t upset because he might get punished, he wasn’t upset because he had to return it. He was upset because he didn’t honor his true self. He knew the right choice, but was tempted by the cute little mouse. He got the lesson without me going into shame, shame, shame. He understood stealing was wrong. He understood why he had to return it. I didn’t have to break his spirit for him to get the lesson. So many times we feel the need to break down our children so that they feel bad when they do something “wrong”. If they feel bad, they’ll learn the lesson, right?
Unfortunately, through that process, they often learn the wrong lesson. They learn that they are bad, not the act itself. The act is merely a lesson, but if we put too much shame on top of it, it can get transferred into a belief by the child that they are bad because they stole something, or hit someone, or engaged in hurtful gossip. Once a child starts to believe that they are bad, the importance of self forgiveness can get lost. It’s important to understand when we make a mistake and it’s important to forgive ourselves for making that mistake. Mistakes are part of learning.
The conversation that followed with my son was that it was all okay. We are all learning and there are lots of opportunities for lessons that help us to grow. What did he learn? “To listen to my heart.” Perfect. That is the lesson.
Doreen Fisher is a musician, home educator, business owner and philanthropist. She lives in Dallas with her husband, their 2 incredibly intuitive children, Sammy the cat and Tibblett the bunny. dfisher@parentinginawareness.com; www.parentinginawareness.com; www.rainbowoutsourcing.com; www.pientre.com
PSYCHOLOGICAL BENEFITS OF A SPIRITUAL LIFE November 6, 2009
Posted by coachingparents in Intuitive Aha Moments, Intuitive Parenting, Intuitive Tools, Welcome.Tags: children, contact, emotional children, family, Fathers, goals, health, how to, imaginary friends, kids, Leadership, life, Mentor, mother, mothers, parent, Parent Children Education, parent coach, Parent coaching, Parent Education, parent support, parenting, Parenting Coaches, Parenting Coaching, parents, positive communication, preschoolers, relationships, teaching children, teenager, Wellness, women, work / life balance
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By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.
The mental health profession is beginning to recognize the need for
people to include their spiritual life in any treatment or therapy
they might seek. Until recently, the term “spirit” conjured up
concepts such as ghosts, mental aberrations, religious beliefs or
cults. Now, however, science is beginning to acknowledge the
importance of body energy, its energy fields and what psychological
factors modify such fields. Some of these factors have previously
been exclusively the domain of “spiritual” people. Not so anymore!
The value of a healthy spiritual life is being recognized by almost
everyone who has had any experience addressing the psychological, or
mental and emotional problems of others. Clinical psychologist and
Buddhist monk, Jack Kornfield, in his book, “A Path With Heart”
writes: “When I began working at a state mental hospital while
studying for my Ph.D., I naively thought I might teach meditation to
some of the patients. It quickly became obvious that meditation was
not what they needed.
“But then I discovered a whole large population at this hospital who
desperately needed meditation: the psychiatrists, psychologists,
social workers, psychiatric nurses, mental health aides, and others.
…Not many among these caregivers seemed to know firsthand in their
own psyches the powerful forces that the patients were encountering,
yet this is a very basic lesson in meditation: facing our own greed,
unworthiness, rage, paranoia, and grandiosity, and the opening of
wisdom and fearlessness beyond these forces. The staff could all have
greatly benefited from meditation as a way of facing within themselves
the psychic forces that were unleashed in their patients. From this
they would have brought a new understanding and compassion to their
work and their patients.”
All traditional spiritual paths, some practiced for thousands of
years, seek to transform and liberate consciousness. There are
generally two very different approaches on how to accomplish this.
One traditional view teaches that we need to attain profoundly altered
states of consciousness in order to discover a “transcendent” vision
of what life is all about. The stereotype of this spiritual seeker is
one who goes to the cave or mountaintop, withdraws from the world,
meditates for hours on end, and finally becomes “enlightened.” This
view is referred to as the “transcendent path of spirituality.” And
certainly, the value of this way is the great inspiration and forceful
vision it can bring to our lives.
The second great spiritual view is called the “path of spiritual
immanence. This school teaches that one needs to bring the value of
spiritual awakening down from the mountain and inject it in every
moment of our daily lives. It believes that we need to infuse our
whole life with a sense of the sacred and truly live from moment to
moment fully involved in the daily activities we each encounter.
Both of these spiritual traditions, have certain psychologically
beneficial and healthy aspects. Almost any spiritual tradition
contains certain “truths” and methods for realizing them.
Regardless of which religious or mystical path one chooses, the
benefits one derives from pursuit of a spiritual practice can include:
—-The development of compassion for self and others. Such
compassion is based not on seeking some ideal of perfection. Rather
it is simply based on the capacity to “Let go and to love, to open the
heart to all that Is.”
——The strengthening of the human virtues of kindness, patience,
flexibility, self–awareness and self–acceptance, understanding,
wisdom and knowledge.
——Probably the best psychological benefit of spiritual pursuits
is the loss of fear. As one’s spiritual life evolves, his fear
diminishes. Almost all common psychological problems are
fundamentally based on fear. Lose your fear, and you become
spiritually well. Become spiritually mature and you lose your fear.
As a mental health professional, I can attest to the value of these
traditional spiritual endeavors. Hopefully, we will continue to seek
out their benefits to us as living beings. Perhaps we are actually
spiritual beings creating a physical experience, rather than a
physical being seeking a spiritual experience. Wouldn’t that shift in
perception transform your life?! Such a transformation in everyone’s
self-concept might just save the human species from extinction.
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Dr. Thomas is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and life
coach. He serves on the faculty of the International University of
Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams)
the book: “Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and
Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice…and Your Life!” (W.W. Norton
2005) It is available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com.
Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and
Licensed Psychologist. He is available for coaching in any area
presented in “Practical Life Coaching” (formerly “Practical
Psychology”). E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.
Intuitive Intelligence Comes of Age November 5, 2009
Posted by coachingparents in Dr. Caron Goode, Intuitive Parenting, Psychic Kids, intuitive children.add a comment
In today’s world, we focus on the child’s natural core genius. Intuitive intelligence is part of children’s core genius. This natural intelligence can grow into a unique talent. Children with intuitive intelligences are ready to take their place in the world. Our job is to assist them.
Intuitive intelligence is an essential part of the human mind, which includes our conscious processes and unconscious processes—thought perception, emotion, will, memory, and imagination. Intuitive intelligence involves nurturing self-awareness of the inner world, the outer world, and the connection between them.
Recognition for the intuitive mind with its way of discovery and knowing has advanced significantly in the last decades.
What started with Carl Jung’s concept that people have four primary paths for processing information has evolved into the intricacies of brain mapping in the field of neuroscience. We know how we learn, which part of the brain is involved and how to reprogram patterns that don’t work through the concept of neuroplasticity.
The renaissance of intuitive intelligence has arrived. Let’s trace the progress of intuition over the last several decades as it made its way into mainstream thought and awareness. Only recently has western, modern society accepted and found intuitive intelligence useful.
Intuitive Intelligences
Intuitive intelligence stands as an entity deserving recognition. Brain mapping using EEG topography found that creativity and intuition are associated with theta waves usually linked with daydreaming or fantasizing. Theta waves are calm states in which intellectual activity at the conscious level isn’t occurring. Children and adults with ADHD produce excessive theta waves.
Intuitive intelligence operates on gestalts or whole pieces of information and functions from our memory, not logic. Intuitive ability is finally recognized as the fuel behind innovation, creative thinking, inspiration and psychic experiences.
Let’s clarify terms:
§ Intuitive intelligence – a system of processing information from a gestalt that arrives spontaneously, beyond intellectually known information or evident thought. Every human has an intuitive processing system. Like any intelligence, different people will have varying degrees of strength.
§ Intuition – a talent or ability to grasp or understand spontaneous perception, feeling or information. This talent would be a strength of the intuitive intelligence range.
Like musical prodigies and math geniuses, children display their talents differently.
Intuitive children with highly tuned sensory perceptions display their gifts in what our cultures might think are unconventional ways. For example, how many parents are ready to believe that their children see ghosts or who, at a young age, have an entrepreneurial idea that could be successful?
Education, parenting and psychology professionals recognize that children have multiple intelligences, and intuitive intelligence is the new kid on the block. All intelligences exist on a continuum of normal to gifted. There are math prodigies, musical geniuses and intuitive psychics.
The children of today stretch and challenge our learning. Parents of intuitive children need first to commit to the role of parent. We have to direct expressions of inventive and creative thoughts, help empaths deal with emotional overwhelm and establish resilience, face fears of ghosts. Children with intuitive intelligence, challenged by cultural systems which do not know how to connect with or teach them, need permission to follow their personal path and optimize their talent. We can give that permission and model it for them by developing our intuitive parenting. .
©2009 by Dr. Caron Goode. Dr. Goode is the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents International (www.academyforcoachingparents.com) at the forefront of the parent coaching movement to disseminate the coaching model of empowerment for parents. Her most recent book, Raising Intuitive Children at www.raisingintuitivechilren.com has won the National Best Book award for the parenting\family category.



